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Piranha 3D Review (2010)

 

Piranha 3D Review

 

  Oh why did I have any hopes at all that this film would be even slightly entertaining, ah yes the magic of a cinematic trailer that's why.

  

  I walked into this movie knowing that it would be another Hollywood remake of an old horror movie (a sequel to the old Piranha movies), but the trailers really made it seem like it would be a fun romp in good old fashioned B movie land.

 

Wrong Sign

 

  The thing that perplexes me the most is how so many other critics have given this movie high marks, did we all see the same move? Was I being punked and someone had switched the movie that I saw with another piranha movie?

 

  The movie takes place on Lake Victoria, which has recently suffered from a tremor that has opened up an underwater cavern, that is home to a breed of flesh eating prehistoric piranha thought to be extinct for millions of years. Oh and the lake is also one of the hottest spots for bikini clad spring break vacationers in the world. Hope spring break isn't happening anytime soon... opps.

 

 

Just one little kiss baby honest!

 

One little kiss from a piranha honest

 

  The movie follows the forester family, mom (Elizabeth Shue) is the local sheriff trying to keep the peace during the crazy days of spring break at Lake Victoria with her deputy Fallon (Ving Rhames ), while her son Jake (Steven McQueen) plays tour guide for sleazy Derrick Jones (Jerry O'Connell as a total rip off of the real world creator of Girls Gone Wild Joe Francis) here to film the spring break girls and generally act like a complete douche bag even after suffering life threatening wounds.

 

Sliders Math

 

  The Piranhas would have been the movies only saving grace if they had been used effectively to create tension, (note see Jaws sometime to see how this works, this movie is supposed to be a send up of it Mr. Aja) but the director failed on this front. In a turn for the ridiculous, I could have sworn that at one point I heard an elephant's cry bellow forth from one of the piranhas while it was in the water! Did the Foley guys in this film watch a little too much Animal planet? Maybe not enough.

 

   Separated at birth?

 

separated at birth

 

  This was a terrible movie not worth the price of admission, from the clubbing us over the head that Derrick Jones is a scum bag (we get it), to the defense of the lake that is so poorly executed (let's electrocute and shoot innocent people in the water!) to the rescue scenes that will have you screaming at the stupidity of most of the characters, and not in that good yelling at the screen horror movie type of way.

 

  I spent the entire movie thinking, "I thought this was going to be fun." My eyes are still sore from rolling...

 

Final verdict for Piranha 3D 3/10

 

        -Professor

 

  Time to slide to a world where this movie was never made...

 

Sliders Cast Photo

 

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